You! Yes, you. What're you looking at? Go fly a kite.

So its Sankrant weekend people! And since I now follow Maratha culture, courtesy my marriage to HM, I'd like to say, "Tilgul ghya, god god bola" to like, everyone. Loosely translated, it means, eat Tilgul and speak sweetly. Its an awesome thing to say. If only people could speak sweetly all year round and not just on Sankrant. Chodo yaar... If everyone decided to be sweet all the time, life would be so boring and my sarcasm would find no takers, which would be such a sad thing. I enjoy being mean at times and I also enjoy it when people are mean to me. My creative juices start flowing like never before and such brilliantly caustic statements are born, I can't tell you how exciting it all becomes.
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A, my little sister is celebrating her 20th b'day next week. She wants a top and a pair of 'funky' shoes. I love spending on her. I still remember the time I got my first salary. I took her shopping and just made her pick stuff off random shelves. She enjoyed it so much! I cannot forget the look on her face. She went home, dumped the bags on her bed and told mom that we had shopped like idiots. A isn't just my sister. She is my baby. I was almost 7 when she was born and I remember every detail of her arrival. She was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. Even today, when I look at posters and photos with li'l babies on them, I tell myself, "Yeah, you kids are cute, but my sister was the cutest baby, ok. No competition". A was super sweet as a child. But unfortunately, she grew up and turned into the brat that she is today. I love her just the same though. So A, if you're ever going to read this, let me tell you that we're totally different people. I love reading, you don't. I love Indian music, you hate it. I am a chatterbox, you're the quiet one. I'm the bubbly extrovert, you're the shy introvert. But something binds us together nevertheless and we will never know what it is. And that is exactly why we know what we feel for each other inspite of being miles apart and never calling each other for months. We're siblings in denial. We fight, argue and I remember a rather memorable scuffle when you dug your nails into my arm and I'm still carrying the scar. I also remember that I was responsible for uprooting around ten odd strands of your hair during the same fight. Good times. We had laughed about it later and nursed each other after receiving a wonderful spanking from mom. I will always fight with you, because I can and more so, because I know we both enjoy it. I love you A and I always will. Oh, and the picture below is specially for you.

Rewdi & Bataashe. Pure bliss....

HM and I are headed to his parents' place this weekend. Sankrant and MIL's birthday is due. We are both travelling separately because of my work schedule and that has irked MIL a bit. She wanted us to arrive together. Like always, I am least bothered at the prospect of travelling alone. Very few things can manage to ruffle my feathers lately. I am one chilled out penguin. Penguin, because that bird be awesome. It is safely nestled somewhere in the snow with perhaps an egg tucked between its legs and is basically not giving a damn about everything else in the world. Respect. So, as I was saying, the weekend is going to be fun. I will wear a sari and distribute Tilgul to the neighbouring aunties who will ask me for "Some good news". MIL will smile graciously and pat my back and say something like, "Yes, yes. Very soon." I will smile back at all the ladies and exit the room shyly. Total timepass, I tell ya. MIL will make some good stuff to eat and I will devour it greedily. HM will bask in the attention of mommy dearest and generally ignore me. All in all, its going to be delightful. I am so looking forward to it....
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I turned health freak today. I skipped lunch and drank coconut water instead. I don't feel so good right now. That coconut had way too much water inside and I'd drunk two glasses of water before guzzling it down, so its all watery inside right now. Like I've swallowed a whole lake or something. I can literally feel tiny waves crashing against the outline of my stomach. Its making me nauseous. I will never ever do this again. Like, never.
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H, the Labrador, is adept at making sad puppy eyes and I have a feeling that she isn't as innocent as she looks. She actually knows the effect her expressions have on me and uses them to manipulate me. She is very very smart. I DO NOT like being manipulated, especially by a dog. I try to ignore her, but she makes THE face and dances all around me until I acknowledge her. Sweet critter, that one. P, the mongrel, on the other hand, is a total nutcase. If I could, I'd send her back to the 70s. She is perfectly suited for that era. Wild, rebellious and a little high on life. If she could, P would definitely wear flowers in her hair...err, fur and prance around with a Peace sign pendant around her neck. That dog is something else. Both are easily my favourite living beings on earth and I'd gladly be stranded on an island with just them for company. Life would be good. If only I was that fortunate. Sigh...
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O, my friend from Law school, is writing a novel. He used to write comic strips with Me, S and N as characters and I don't think I've seen such hilariously original work ever. In his comic, S would forever be in love with N, N would forever be tripping and falling into 'Keechad' and I would be 'Jalking' around. 'Jalking' is how he described my walk in college. A mix of jumping and walking, thus amounting to 'Jalking'. I think he just wanted to describe the 'spring in my step'. That dude be totally awesome at times. Now he has moved on to more mature things and thus the novel. I suppose he'll become the next 'Chetan Bhagat' or something. They kinda look similar. Anyway, I told O that I wanted to write a novel too. He told me to go ahead. He always does that. He almost never doubts my abilities. So I'm going to be a sport and start on my novel very soon. You know, give O some competition. And if I do get lucky, I'll 'jalk' my way to the Bestsellers list. Tra La La La....
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I wish we had a zipper in place of our lips. And a tiny lock at the end of it.

Sometimes, I ask myself, "What will make me happy?" and the answer is PROZAC. It is so easy for people to just preach some stuff like idiots. Be happy and all, it seems. It is easier said than done. It can be done, but you apparently have no idea how hard you have to try. And you might not even succeed. I try all the freakin' time and sometimes just the effort tires me out. And then I realise that happiness isn't something you can GET. It is a state of mind and obviously, your mind has a mind of its own. So it decides when it wants to be happy and when it doesn't. If you try to force feed your mind some happiness, its just going to turn its head away like a stubborn two year old who hates spinach. Worse, it might swallow the happiness because you force fed it, only to throw it up on your face later. You wouldn't want that. Its best to just let your mind be. Give it some space and leave it alone. Don't force it to be what you want it to be. Savour each feeling and emotion it makes you experience. Love all of it. Even if its pain, anger, hatred or other negative stuff. Its there for a reason. If you're constantly trying to be just happy, where the hell will all the other feelings go? So, just stop reading sappy shit that promotes perpetual happiness and stay real. Its more fun that way. Also, Harry Potter's awesome godfather, Sirius Black told him, "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. Thats who we really are."
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I used to be a brutally honest and blunt person until I got engaged and better sense prevailed. Everyone was like, "You better watch your tongue now" and that is exactly what I started doing. Though lately I have started feeling that I should go back to my old ways because some people deserve to hear the bitter truth and everything cannot be sugar coated. I am going to turn into a Mean Girl. Muhahahahaha!
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I think my boss has vowed to make me realise that I am irresponsible at times. It is his new year resolution, I think. I am way too stressed because of this. I cannot, for the life of me, turn into a responsible person overnight. This is going to take some time. Lots of time, actually. Sometimes I feel that I'm not irresponsible. I'm just careless. I don't know what's worse. Irresponsibility or Carelessness? I think being careless is worse. Either way, who cares?
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I want this Cup and I want it now. I am ready to pay an exorbitant amount for it (not exceeding 200 bucks ok. Its just a cup!) Anyone who knows where I can find it, puhleez get back to me. I will buy you a pack of biscuits as a reward. Ciao!

Nutella is the single most amazing man made thing...

I am very desirous of learning the advanced and rather difficult art of ignoring people who are a part of my life, but are extremely meddlesome and annoying. They should have classes for these things, you know.
The other day, I was thinking about the sort of mental problems I suffer from. Paranoia, occasional delusions, selective amnesia, panic attacks and maybe schizophrenia too. I have all that and more. I am one mentally screwed up person. I'm not complaining though. I rather enjoy living like this. I was always against 'perfection' and all. I mean, why talk about something that is basically a myth to begin with? Nobody is perfect, nobody can be perfect. Someone or the other will always have a bone to pick with you. So, for starters, everyone should stop trying to be perfect. I never started in the first place. So I'm pretty much quite sorted that way. I am proud of it.
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I looked up 'List of Virtues' on the internet. I don't know where I'd get most of my knowledge if it wasn't for the internet. Really. Anyway, the first virtue is Acceptance. And I was like, "Yes! I've already nailed that one."  I have accepted so many things which I should totally not have. Kudos to me! The second virtue was Accountability. I closed the browser window immediately. No point in making myself feel bad. I'm already way too stressed.
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Hair pin, U-pin and every other type of pin...

Essentially. It is my 'Word of the Week'. I've been using it all the time and in almost every sentence. Its making me sound like a profound person. Its amazing how much difference a single word can make to the things you say. So if you say "This is ESSENTIALLY a stupid thing to do" instead of "Its a stupid thing to do" it means you are a classy person inspite of the fact that both sentences mean the same thing. But the way you say it and the words you use are important too. And that is ESSENTIALLY where my logic steps in. My boss has a favourite word too. He uses 'basically' before every sentence. But I like my word more. Essentially. Like the essence of something. It can masquerade as a great insult too. Like if I say, "You are essentially an idiot", it means the person's essence itself is idiotic. What fun.
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Two toned bugs...Shiny ones.

The 'No stressing over anything' rule that I have is working like a charm. Except, people now think of me as someone who just doesn't give a damn. I think they are finally getting the hang of what I actually am. This is good news, you know. After ages of being misunderstood as a sweet, talkative and caring person, I finally get to show my true colours and people finally know me for what I really am. I can't say how delighted I am. At peace, finally.
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So, my mother calls me up to tell me that this person living in our building just died. Like, he just dropped dead of his own accord. He wasn't ill, he had no health problems and as far as my knowledge goes, he maintained a very healthy lifestyle. No meat, alcohol or smoking type of 'dutty habits'. His poor wife is so shocked, she can't even talk. And I'm thinking, how is this even possible? People just dying all of a sudden for no reason. Weird. Sad, yes. But weird. Then I'm thinking that maybe he's secretly glad that he just dropped dead suddenly. Anyone would prefer that to experiencing months of pain or a long drawn out illness that makes you spend months in the hospital with needles and stuff sticking out of you. And don't even get me started about old age. I'd rather die young. Maybe lucky people get to die young. A painless quick death. God must really love those people. Maybe he says something like, "Well, you seem to be doing a pretty good job out there. But the earth is such a shitty place for you to be. You know what? I'll just beam you up. Like, right now." and then he snaps his fingers and said person is instantly dead. No pain, no suffering. Lucky people ya... I'm so morbid. Damn.
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YAAA....WWWNNNN....

In case you're wondering why I named my previous post after a box of tissues, there is no good explanation for it. I finished writing the post and I could not think of a title for it. The aforesaid box of tissues was lying on my desk and hence, the post was dedicated to it. It is a good box of tissues. Very useful. Especially when I am eating and typing. Enough about the tissues now. I saw Ra.One yesterday. I think Shahrukh Khan's clone or whatever was really good looking. I especially liked the blue eyes. I think he manages to dance quite well too. He had better moves than Kareena in the Chammak Chalo song. The movie on the whole was a boring dud. So was the New Year Party I went to. The DJ was a retard. The food was great though and hence the party turned out to be a long, drawn out dinner than anything else. We just sat in a place and stuffed our faces. For four long hours. Come to think of it, it wasn't so bad afterall.
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I have a headache. Ever since P, the mongrel bumped her bony head against my chin. And this happened yesterday, so you can imagine how long I've been suffering from this headache. P and H had their baths yesterday. And while H resignedly accepted her fate and allowed us to bathe her, P took it upon herself to run around in the tiny bathroom and make the whole activity hellish with her loud squeals and yelps. Meanwhile, the maid tried to clean up our living room that had transformed into a puddle of muck. P eventually finished her bath and came out of the bathroom to sun herself in the balcony. But the maid decided to leave at that exact moment and P thought that it would be a good idea to follow the maid outside . So she bolted out of the front door and I ran behind her and then began the most exciting chase sequence ever. The watchman, the maid and Yours Truly did everything possible to catch P, but she was way too fast for us. We finally managed to corner her and when I went closer to hold her, she jerked her head upwards and it caught me in my chin. Oh, the pain! I think I cried a little. P was unceremoniously escorted back upstairs and scolded for 15 minutes, during which H hung her head in shame. H, the Labrador is rather sensitive to such things. P, on the other hand was busy sniffing her freshly washed paws and completely ignoring my outburst. I think I forgave her when she came near me and licked my nose in apology. That brat be cute! But I'm still stuck with the headache that ensued later.
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A, the neighbour's toddler, is currently my favourite friend. She is 18 months old and has tiny teeth and wispy hair. An absolute delight. She loves the dogs and goes 'Bho bho' everytime she sees them. She calls HM 'bho bho' too and that makes me laugh. She calls all the women 'Amma' and one day when HM offered her a piece of chocolate she called him 'Amma' too. Maybe babies associate mothers with food. Wonderful logic. I like A because she lets me comb her hair and speaks very little. Most of it is gibberish, so we're good. This goes to show what and how little I expect of my friends.