If you're silly and you know it, just sit there and hum a showtune...

Last week, I found this quaint little book store on 2435 East street. It is an awesome place filled with dusty bookshelves and it is very cramped too, but the good kind of cramped. HM and I sort of wandered in and I was instantly reminded of the library at the Bombay High Court. Same dusty old bookshelves and slightly dank odour coupled with the lovely vibe of profound wisdom that only comes from old books. I was instantly mesmerized and felt a lot like I'd fallen down the famous rabbit hole and arrived in wonderland. Very few places make me feel like this. While I twirled around like a drunk idiot, HM bought the latest issue of Harvard Business Review. Surprising, since just about everything in the store was quite old. The payment counter had an old tin box with a handle and the owner was stuffing his money in it. No cash register and all. I was then convinced that the old world charm was just a result of plain languidness on part of the owner. He presumably had a computer in the back because I happened to ask him about Arundhati Roy's books and he conjured up a printed list of her complete works in no time and also declared that he had all of them. Very impressive. I also spotted the latest issues of every fashion magazine on earth and I just wanted to jump around in excitement but I didn't. Some of them were way out of my budget. Anyhoo, if you're in Pune and you like books you should totally visit this place. It looks really unimpressive and plain from the outside but don't be judgemental about it. It has a really good collection and I can't wait to go back and get some more books.
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In other news, I saw this completely naked man on my way to work. His nudity wasn't the jarring kind and I was more bothered about the fact that he didn't have any clothes on in this bad weather. I was instantly reminded of HM's old clothes and raincoat and how the 'nangu aadmi' could use them. But I don't know if it would be appropriate for a woman to approach a nude stranger with a bundle of old clothes. I mean, in my head it is a pretty okay thing to do if you consider the thought behind it, but as HM would say, "It would be wrong on so many counts". Sometimes I feel like people overthink normal stuff and then everything begins to feel and look wrong. Too much of thinking never did anyone any good. But I suppose now the 'nangu aadmi' will have to roam around like that till I can convince some man to go deliver the old clothes to him. I'm thinking that it will be a difficult task because even that would be 'wrong on so many counts' if you think about it. Pwah!
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I tried my hand at making Chicken Biryani and it turned out so good! I marinated the chicken overnight and it made the meat very flavourful. I also fried some onions and chopped up a lot of coriander and mint and put all this on top of the rice when I layered all of it on the chicken. Some of the chicken caught the pan and it didn't burn. Instead, it got this wonderful smoky flavour and that was just too good for words. I am going to make some more biryani very soon. Yum!
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This picture is for all those who like me, love the monsoons but only from the warm confines of their comfortable homes. I have had the very educational experience of walking around in the rain during my stint in Mumbai. My office was at the Bandra Kurla Complex and the Kurla station is synonymous to unspeakable filth during the rains. I have walked around in knee-deep sewage water to get to work on time, dressed in expensive trousers from Globus and a very nice F21 blazer. Good times.

Rudder is Udder with an R.

It is a dull day. There is a general feeling of confusion around and everyone appears to be slightly lost. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go and oddly, this lack of activity is a refreshing change. I can feel a dull, throbbing pain in my head but it isn't bothering me much. I am feeling weird inside. I am trying to think of something that will make me feel better but nothing's coming up. I am just sitting and writing out all this and it is not helping, but it's not making matters worse either. I have to stop.

Oh Womaniya....

I do not understand why people think GoW is a violent film. It is a little graphic with all that blood strewn all over and the slaughter house scenes and stuff but other than that, I don't think it's violent at all. I for once enjoyed the film. I would totally watch it again. Besides, what is the big deal about the film being too long? It's not longer than 'Border' or 'LOC' is it? Didn't think so either.
The film is riveting, has the simplest of plots put forth in the most unique way ever and do not get me started on Manoj Bajpayee. That man be awesome.
Also, this Richa Chadda lady has been on my radar since her meaty little role in Oye Lucky Lucky Oye. She surpasses herself in GoW and plays Nagma with elan. One of the best performances by an actress till date. I say, give her some awards this year!
Best scenes for me would be all the ones where Nagma is swearing at her scumbag of a husband while effortlessly displaying her obvious love for him. The womaniya rocks.
The other brilliant womaniya in the film is Sneha Khanwalkar who provides the pulsating soundtrack for this power packed film. Lets face it, it isn't easy to notice the music in a movie which has so much going on in terms of the plot and innumerable characters. But the music manages to grab you and adds to the rustic charm of the film. All in all, the critic in me is singing praises. Don't miss this one.

This is Garbage. Hi Garbage!

I once called this suicide helpline just to see how they function. I had a truck load of problems to recite and the guy on the other line totally thought I was going to kill myself. He very calmly told me that life is beautiful and I should not even THINK of dying. I asked him how he would feel if I went ahead and killed myself anyway. He then begged me to not do it, asked for my address and offered to send some volunteers over to help me. I was really pleased with him. He seemed like the sort of person who could genuinely help people who were contemplating on making that final journey to hell. Don't raise your eyebrows. The first lesson I learnt about suicide was that people who commit it, get a sure shot ticket to hell. There was just no other place for them. This suicide talk reminds me of this quirky classmate I had during my first year of Grad school. We were all studying Arts and we had Philosophy in our curriculum. Needless to mention, I didn't take it up and went for Political Science instead. But this dude was totally into it. One fine day I trooped into college looking like I'd lost my mind (which happened almost thrice a week) and I was informed solemnly that said dude had killed himself. I did not know how to react. I was also told that he had written a letter saying that nobody was supposed to be blamed and everyone should take this lightly as he was just passing over to the other side to see how it felt. How the hell did he plan to share his findings with us? I remember feeling extremely stupid that day. I kept going back to the day I had last seen him. I tried hard to recall his expressions. Had he already made up his mind by then or was it a last moment decision? I wanted to go back in time, slap some sense into him and take him out for a slushie. I was at a place in my life where a slushie could make me forget my sorrows and move on. Was he at a different place? I don't know. I never will.

'Morbid' could be my middle name...

I'm not sure people enjoy being told that after everything that they have achieved, they will die a painful death. I was met by blank stares when I expounded this theory at work. I was simply stating the obvious. Doesn't everyone die irrespective of what they have or have not achieved in life? And does anyone take any of those achievements with them? One could have spent half of his life trying to own that 2 BHK house in that posh area of town and then after finally buying it and spending a few years basking in its glory, one will ultimately die and leave the house behind. Mind you, I am not just thinking these things, I am saying it all aloud, in the presence of other people. These people just stared at me like I'd lost my mind or something, till someone piped up and said that achievements don't necessarily mean materialistic ones alone. Said piper wanted to know how can one forget kindness, love and other sappy stuff that people leave behind? That stuff is way more important than a house, a car or a booming business. I looked at said piper with an expression of utmost pity and told him to remember the last act of kindness done unto him. I can talk in biblical language on demand. It is one of my special talents. Anyway, piper couldn't recall anything and I told him that irrespective of whatever sappy crap he was talking about, out of sight is out of mind and there is just no other way to it. People were going to forget him soon enough and get along with their lives and therefore, one should always remember to not stress about losing out on something in life as no one else would get it either. We are all going to die. At this moment, another smart fellow pointed out that we were all going to die this year and we should all quit our jobs and do other interesting stuff while we still had the time. I totally agree.

The GM Diet. Day 2.

After a largely unsuccessful attempt on Day 1, I decide to be a little more focussed on Day 2.
Today is a fruits only day. You can eat all the fruits that you want. It isn't really an incentive. One can only eat a couple of fruits in a day. But I have to try.

HM leaves at his usual time. I've given him a lunch box full of pineapple, sweet limes and some radish. Radish is probably not a fruit. Okay, its definitely not a fruit. But the mangoes I bought turned out to be sour, so I had to give him radish instead.

I get down to my daily workout (if you can call a couple of push ups and squats a 'workout'). I've learnt some new exercises on this YouTube video. I try them and start sweating and panting. That just means it works! I am quite happy. I do the exercise for 15 minutes.

Hunger kicks in as usual. 8-9 am is when I feel most hungry. I open the fridge to get some fruits but I spot the dosa batter and leftover prawn curry again. I curse myself for repeating yesterday's pattern but eat the dosa and prawn curry anyway.

I head to work with 3 cucumbers (not fruits, I know) and 2 sweet limes. I eat the cucumbers around 12:00 pm and send the peon down to get me a chicken burger from Baker's Basket. I stuff my face with it and peace is restored inside.

I finish work and head home. I pick up a watermelon, some kiwi fruits and pears on the way. At home, HM is sneezing and coughing and dripping phlegm all over the place (I'm exaggerating. I just happen to hate phlegm).

I am a tad bit worried about HM who is blowing his nose loudly and looking really sick. I head out to buy him some medicines and remember that my doctor had prescribed me some capsules that I never bought. I buy those as well. They turn out be capsules of Omega 3 and Omega 6 fatty acids. I look bewildered. I don't know why she would prescribe me 'fatty' acids. My very limited scientific knowledge does not help. I shrug and come back home with all the medicines.

HM is looking like a mess. He demands real food. He doesn't want rice or rotis or vegetables. Prawn curry and dosa batter to the rescue. He finishes the prawn curry with the dosas and I can see some colour return to his cheeks. Poor guy. I eat the dosas with raw mango chutney. Dessert is a piece of malai sandwich each.

We hit the sack and I am now worried about Day 3. HM is mumbling something incoherently. I ask him if he needs anything. He wants to know if we can just postpone this diet till he gets over the cold. I am happy to oblige.

Thus ends my diet. Kilos lost: None. Kilos gained: None.

The GM diet. Day 1

I couldn't go on a diet even if I really wanted to. I love food way too much and when you're blessed with a great metabolism like mine, there's no reason not to. But lately, I've put on a few kilos and old clothes don't fit me. I struggle to button up the jeans that I wore in college and my T-shirts have an unsightly little bulge as they're way too tight to accommodate my ballooning tummy. Still, I can never think of giving up food to lose weight. But HM decided to do the GM diet this week to detox his system and I joined in. Here's an account of Day 1.

Day 1 is supposed to be a day of fruits and fruits alone. But I forgot the exact diet plan and we did a day of vegetables instead.

Our day starts with a cup of black lemon grass tea.

HM leaves around 7:45 with a lunch box full of salad. I made the salad with purple cabbage, corn, yellow bell pepper, cucumber, tomato and some boiled potato. I've given him a separate little box of seasoning, just in case.

I do some push-ups. 3 to be precise. My stomach then starts growling with hunger and instead of eating the salad, I dive into the fridge, fish out the dosa batter and prawn curry, make myself two dosas and eat them with the prawn curry. There. I've already cheated on my diet before it could begin.

I feel guilty, pack the salad in a tiffin and head to work. I feel hungry around 1:00 and I devour the salad like a famished person from Somalia. It is simply not enough. I need some carbs like crazy. I send the peon down to the Baker's Basket outlet and he brings me a Devilled Chicken Ciabatta. I eat it and feel better.

I am feeling stupid because I can't follow a simple diet. I look up on the internet and try to find the number of calories in a Ciabatta. I cannot find a suitable answer so I forget it and carry on with work.

In the evening, I go back home and try to convince HM to eat some normal food like paranthas and sabji. He stubbornly turns down my suggestion. I feel depressed. I cut some asparagus spears, some zucchini and rub them with oil, garlic paste, salt, chilli flakes and pepper. I grill them on the pan while I make an avocado salad with greens. HM wants mashed potatoes with peas and onions and he wants it to be hot. I do the needful and serve him dinner.

I feel like an idiot as I dig into all those veggies. I want to hurl my plate at the wall and wail into my pillow. HM eats like a good kid. He doesn't look annoyed like me. We finish our dinner and I'm craving Tandoori Chicken. There is a restaurant upstairs and wonderful smells are wafting through my kitchen window. I want to rip out my hair and scream.

I open the fridge to get some lemon grass and happen to open the freezer by chance. Okay, not by chance. I am looking for some Ice-cream. I find a tub of Almond ice cream and a brick of butterscotch ice cream that hasn't even been opened yet. I scoop large amounts of both into a big bowl and dig into it. HM eats half of it. Can you blame him? His wife is a glutton.

We both climb into bed. I am already dreading Day 2. Fruits and only fruits.

Oh God. This is not happening to me. Help!