Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Lets start a new language. Lets call it Weirdan or Weirdese or maybe Weirdi....

I feel a tad bit neurotic today. I also feel disconnected with reality. My soul is wandering somewhere on the street between High Court and Colaba Causeway. Its 6:45 pm on a Tuesday and it'll probably make its first stop at this quirky thrift store on Causeway and then go for a quick bite to Theobroma before proceeding to Navy Nagar where my favourite maamu lives. His naval quarters are beautifully done up by my eclectic and aesthetically brilliant maami who makes the most wonderful Eggs Benedict ever. My soul will then go sit in his balcony and read a book while occasionally glancing to see the ships sailing on the horizon. Perfect evening. But its time to leave and I have to summon my soul so I can drive back home and cook for HM, take the dogs for a walk and watch some sitcoms before going to bed. One soul, too many places to be at. A supposedly sad scenario I must accept. Sigh.

Wearabout is the best fashion blog ever. Loads better than High Heel Confidential and Bohemian Like You. Look at me pimping other blogs while nobody does the same for mine. I'm trying hard to feel offended but I really couldn't care less. I write for myself more than anything else. I like reading my old posts and then reminiscing about how and what made me write those words. I remember how I was feeling when I wrote all that. Its like opening an old album of your own pictures. Really good thing to do.

Is 'Jingbang' a word? Tell me? This colleague at work uses it so much! She's like 'Jingbang this and Jingbang that'. What does it mean anyway? I'm very curious to know so I can use it too. I like using weird words. It totally suits my personality. Me thinks, all weirdos should have an official secret language. Like elfish in LOTR. Oh, it would be so good.

And here, we have this totally adorable doggy in a basin. It's expression seems to say, "Umm...are you humans done with the photography? I need to get out of here, like right now." 

Monday, 30 January 2012

I don't like Tinkerbell. She's annoying...

I could regale everyone for hours with wonderful anecdotes about my dogs. One such interesting incident happened yesterday. HM and I were arguing over some trivial matter and H was listening attentively. P, being the flower power wild child of the 70s was doing what she does best. Prancing around with a chew stick in her mouth, pretty much clueless about what she wanted to do with it. So in comes the maid and out goes P. She just waits for the door to open and she's on her way to freedom. HM and I were so engrossed in our discussion that we didn't notice P's absence until our neighbour called. "Is your dog missing?" he asked. HM looked at me incredulously. " Umm...which dog exactly?". "You know, the little one who looks like one of those street dogs?".  Facepalm moment. "Yeah, so where did you see her?" asked HM. Turns out, P had decided to visit her friend Sushi who lives two buildings away. Sue, as I call her is also an adopted dog and I suppose they both get along really well. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had already started getting mental images of P being run down by one of those errant cars on the road. I was this close to crying. Anyway, we found her at Sue's, brought her back and gave her another dose of Anxocare, which is a herbal equivalent of Calmpose. That brat is a handful.

Red lipstick is the best thing to have ever happened to my face. I am not much of a make up person and I actually feel ugly after applying it. For years, my make up routine was cold cream, kohl and lip balm. Now I've given up on kohl after HM told me that my eyes look prettier without it (blush). It was just lip balm and cream. I've recently discovered the joys of red lipstick. It just makes me feel so much more beautiful, I end up dabbing a bit of it over my lip balm everyday. Totally awesome.

I've been carrying Rushdie's 'Luka and the Fire of Life' in my handbag since the last one month. I've read a few pages and I really like the book. But somehow I'm just not able to finish it. I'm being so lazy, don't even ask. Two more novels await me at home. But I have this rule, I don't move on to a new book if I haven't finished reading one. At this rate, it'll be months before I get around to reading them. Sigh

Saturday, 28 January 2012


It is 4:00 pm on a Saturday and I'm thoroughly bored. HM is snoozing at home with H and P. P was administered a dose of Calmpose this morning after the neighbours complained about her incessant barking. And by neighbours, I mean people who live as far as two buildings away. Yes, they can hear her. The problem is that P doesn't just bark. She cries. Anyone who has heard a dog crying will vouch that it isn't the most pleasant sound. It is plain annoying. Anyway, P is probably asleep at home and HM and I are calling up our friends and vet to get a permanent solution. One friend has suggested neutering. Don't even get me started on how ridiculous her suggestion is. But HM is ready to do that too. Anything to prevent us from getting thrown out of our rented apartment. Desperate times call for desperate measures, no?

Bimbo served all of us some fiery red Misal today. I can only say that it brought back memories of the Devil's Chicken Shawarma. I downed two glasses of iced tea after today's gastronomic adventure. I couldn't even say 'No'. I mean, bimbo is going away and I wanted to celebrate.

S is having her very first Haldi Kumkum ceremony tomorrow. And as per Maharashtrian traditions, she will be decked up in 'halwyache dagine' which means jewellery made out of sugar. I had one of those too. MIL had bought some cute sugar jewellery for me. She has preserved some of it. I had some pieces with me, but the ants got to it. Can you blame them? I mean, I can imagine what they must be saying in antese, "This for eating! not for wearing!" before devouring all of it. Anyway, S has invited me and I am too tired to go. If I don't, I will never hear the end of it. I have grown to dislike social commitments so much, its disturbing. I have decided to drag myself to her place if need be. I really need to go meet some people other than HM and the dogs. The dogs are technically ruled out. So essentially my social life consists of my husband who is pretty much unavoidable. I mean, we're both stuck with each other for a lifetime. Can't really avoid each other, can we? Anyway, this ceremony requires everyone to dress up in a sari. I have already started recalling the exact whereabouts of all the safety pins I'm going to need to keep my sari in place. For me, the availability of a good sari, blouse etc. is not important. Everything depends upon the safety pins. No safety pins, no wearing a sari. Simple.

 Below is a poem by cult poet and novelist Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994)

from Love Is a Dog from Hell: Poems, 1974-1977

there is a loneliness in this world so great 
that you can see it in the slow movement of 
the hands of a clock. 

people so tired 
either by love or no love. 

people just are not good to each other 
one on one. 

the rich are not good to the rich 
the poor are not good to the poor. 

we are afraid. 

our educational system tells us 
that we can all be 
big-ass winners. 

it hasn’t told us 
about the gutters 
or the suicides. 

or the terror of one person 
aching in one place 

unspoken to
watering a plant. 

Friday, 27 January 2012

Life is like a charm bracelet...Don't ask me why.

I am going to do a little experiment with my life. I will talk less, meditate and practice non violence and detachment. Non violence, because only actions need not be violent. Words and thoughts are violent too. Essentially, I will try and be a monk. Being aggressive and stubborn is apparently not helping. You have to kill some people with kindness. It takes a long time and you have to be very patient, but there's a very good chance chance of winning the game and winning over a lot of people while at it. I am feeling quite mature, now that I've taken this wonderful decision. I will have to fight my natural urge in order to turn a new leaf, but it will be worth the exercise. Afterall, personal growth is the most important growth. And now that I've given everyone some thing brilliant to think about, I can go back to cracking fun at everything that life is. I can not change THAT.

Rubik cube update: I can now solve it in 15 minutes. I am amazed at how happy this silly little achievement makes me. The VP now calls me a genius. It is good to hear that, you know. My mom used to call me an evil genius. She said I belong to the ranks of Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussain. Geniuses who misused their brilliance. She had a word for it. Vinaashkaari Viprit Buddhi. Nice.

I sometimes find it difficult to answer the simplest of questions. Basic questions that have nothing to do with knowledge or anything. Here's a list of a few of them.

  1. Who is your favourite actor/actress? 
  2. Which is your favourite colour?
  3. Which is your favourite song?
  4. Are you stupid?
  5. Do you love me?
  6. Honestly?
Such questions can really get me tongue tied. Everyone who knows me should know this and avoid asking me such questions. I reserve the right to be silent and more often than not it will be misconstrued. I wouldn't want that. Honestly.

Pretty but dumb receptionist is quitting her job to be with her restaurateur fiancé who runs a Mexican/Italian eatery. Bad decision, if you ask me. A girl ought to be independent. And by independent, I mean financially. God alone knows how many ways there are to be dependant on someone. There's emotional dependence, physical dependence and I'm sure there are other types that I'm not yet aware of. But financial dependence is just not done. They say money spoils a lot of stuff. I've learnt that the hard way. Money matters can really screw your happiness. So I told the bimbo to re think her decision. But bimbo be in love and love be blinding the most intelligent of us all. So basically, bimbo is no match. I told her to go ahead and eff up everything. She looked mad. See, this is the reason why I'm not truthful. People just can't take it. Anyway, bimbo is treating us to lunch tomorrow. Lunch is Misal Pav. I will not eat dinner tonight. Muhahahaha! 

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

You can stand under my umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh....

I finally learnt to solve the rubik cube on my own and that too in less than an hour. Bow to me you lesser mortals! I have conquered the realm of the coloured squares that baffle your minds. I am awesome! Yeah....well. It seemed very exciting for roughly five minutes. I rapidly lost interest thereafter. My colleagues are now taking turns to scramble the cube for me and are sufficiently awestruck every time I solve it. It is a little cute, you know. Reminds me of the time in Art class at school, when I was the only one who could draw a coconut tree. All my classmates had lined up with their drawing pads and watched in wonder as I skilfully drew around 40 coconut trees in quick succession. It helped that I had a J.J. School of Arts graduate as an Aunt, who had taught me to draw several things in artful fashion. It also helped that we were all 8 years old and incapable of drawing anything beyond snowman-like cats and houses with sloping roofs and shining suns. Good times.

I will soon be the proud owner of Ubislate 7 aka Aakash Tablet. It is dirt cheap (Rs. 3000/-) and will give me the satisfaction of owning a tablet PC. I don't give two hoots about technology and couldn't care less about specifications, features et al. I am just excited that the product is Indian. It is stirring up the patriotism in me. I want to wave my Aakash tablet around and snigger at the Samsung and Apple users, one of whom is HM. He has this ridiculously expensive Galaxy S2 phone which is the cynosure of all his attention. I do not like overpriced firangi products. They annoy me in ways I can't possibly express. Anyway, I have to wait for another two months before the benevolent company decides to bestow me with the much awaited tablet. I cannot wait that long...Ohhh the excitement! (Wiggles fingers and does a little jig)

I bought some chamomile tea to soothe my frayed nerves. I am drinking some every night before I sleep. So far, it has not worked. It is not relaxing and it is just very fragrant, you know. And oddly, the smell reminds me of the potpourri in my mother's bathroom. I have spent many mornings in there, mulling over the day's homework and assignments as I completed my daily ablutions. Till date, I do a mental inventory of the day's tasks while I'm bathing. I don't think I even noticed the smell of the potpourri back then. That is the thing with smells, you know. For a while, you know that something is smelling different. But soon you get used to it and then you're immune to it. You only remember it when its gone and you get the same smell somewhere else. Then it brings back memories. That is what the dratted chamomile tea is doing to me. I am simply going to stop drinking it.

We bought a vacuum cleaner last weekend. All the dog hair strewn around was beginning to annoy me and HM suggested we do something about it. So we came back with the contraption and HM plugged it in after dinner. I was shocked. "You're gong to clean right now?" I asked him incredulously. He is never keen on tidying up and this was definitely an improvement. He nodded and continued to assemble the whole thing. Finally when he was ready, I asked him to start on the carpet first. He smiled benignly and walked towards H, the Labrador instead. Yes. He vacuum cleaned the dog. His explanation: If you get to the root cause of the problem, everything sorts itself out. I was worried that he will render H bald, but thankfully it didn't happen. The dust bag revealed quite a lot of dog hair and I suppose his idea worked to some extent. I just hope he doesn't do that to me. He often complains about my hair fall...

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Time please?

I went to for a meeting with this lawyer yesterday and like always I was mildly distracted by all the books behind him. I stared at the bookshelf for quite some time and then diverted my attention to what he was saying. He was like, "...they all have their own agenda." I smiled. I like the word 'agenda'. It sounds nice. Agenda. A jhenda. A flag. Nice. I must have said that last word aloud because the lawyer and my boss stopped talking to look at me. The former looked amused. The latter, not so much. I pursed my lips and went back to staring at the bookshelf. I have no idea why my boss pays me.

Ever feel like a Sunday is actually not a Sunday, but a Monday in disguise? Thats how my last Sunday was. It was spent doing things that tired me out and I didn't even get a good night's sleep. Sundays are for rejuvenation, for God's sake! I am annoyed now. I want my Sunday back. I want to laze around, cook something nice, play with my dogs and bug my husband. Sigh.

HM is celebrating his birthday this week. I have no idea what to get him. That executive golf set I gave him for our anniversary is gathering dust. I hate it when my thoughtful gifts are seldom used and never appreciated.  I feel like punching the person. In this case, I'd gladly punch HM, but he is too tall for me and besides I'm married to him and I'm sure one of the vows I secretly took during our wedding ceremony was to never beat him up no matter what. I got to keep my vows, right? Anyway, I'm still clueless about what he might want. I've tried asking him and he says he doesn't want anything. Fine. You're not getting anything. But I have to give him something! Ideas, anyone?

I'd like to have this tea pot. It is super cute. Plus, it's pink! Aww....

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

My printer is making some Paper Jam. I'm curious to see how that turns out....

There is something very satisfying about saying, "Ab jaakar mere kaleje ko thandak padi." Sigh. It is one of my favourite things to say. Retribution is a sweet thing and its sweeter when expressed in Hindi. Bohot badhiya. In case you're wondering if I'm a vengeful person, let me make it easier for you. I am not. I do nothing to take revenge once I'm wronged. I just sit back and wait for Karma, the bitch, to do her job. And I'm pleased to say that she has never let me down. So essentially, I'm not vengeful. I forgive but I don't forget.

Obey your elders. I was taught this in school and also at home. Later, when I grew old enough to think for myself, I realised that the elders around me were quite flawed themselves and I wasn't going to obey people who had made plenty of mistakes. So I decided to be disobedient and make some mistakes myself, so that atleast I'd have myself to blame. Apparently, the grown ups frown upon at that sort of decision. So I've got a lot of frowns till date. I can't say that I'm proud of it, but when I look at obedient people and how their life has turned out, I smile at myself. It has been worth it.

When it rains, it pours. I think the sentence is pretty much self explanatory. I know that a lot of people out there can totally relate to it. To all those people, I'd just like to say one thing. When it starts 'raining' and there's a very good chance that you will never have an umbrella to shield yourself from it, just get drenched and tell yourself that this too shall pass. Because it will. And like my boss once told me, "Shit happens. You've got to move on."
The above paragraph shows how good I am at giving pep talks and what a brilliant agony aunt/counsellor I can be. Woh alag baat hai ki sometimes I need a counsellor myself. I like problems, you know. I am a sadist that way. I feel problems bring out a whole new side in me and I enjoy being the woman that I become at such times. I turn into this strong, tenacious, brave and headstrong person who can totally deal with any shit that comes her way. I actually miss that side of me once the problem goes away. Maybe that's why, when I'm stuck in a difficult situation, I feel alive. I'm like, "Yeah man! Bring it on!" My ma says I invite trouble because I hate having a normal life. I used to deny it, but now I couldn't agree more.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Paint me a picture with all the colours of a rainbow....

So when you've used your husband's shoulder as a pillow for several months, it gets difficult to fall asleep on a real pillow. And the obvious thing happens. You can't sleep at all and in the rare case that you do manage to fall asleep for a while, you wake up with a stiff neck and a headache from hell, which is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm not just sleep deprived, I'm a mess. HM, you have absolutely no idea how indispensable you are to me.

Weekend with the in-laws was awesome. MIL stuffed me with hot and wholesome food, FIL made super tasty mutton curry and HM left me to my own devices. Total fun. We had the customary Haldi-Kumkum ceremony and all of MIL's friends came home to celebrate. I got a lot of compliments, so I was quite delighted. MIL was afraid of all the 'buri nazar' though and she did some 'nazar utaarna' before I went to bed. She can be super cute sometimes. She has sent me back with plenty of food and I'm munching on some delectable mutter karanjis as I type this out. I am seriously contemplating the idea of living with her full time. Only for the food. I don't think anything is better than having someone cook for you. All the men are so fortunate that way, you know? Women fussing over them all the time. Eat this, eat that.... Buggers.

See the picture above? That lamb is just so adorable! You might think that its flying, but it isn't. That's just the way lambs move around.Their limbs are totally uncoordinated and I don't think I've ever seen a lamb walk properly. They just fly around with their limbs flailing in every direction. I wish I could move like that. It would be so unexpected. Like nobody would know which arm or leg is going to land where. We humans discipline ourselves way too much. One fine day, we should just let ourselves go and be whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do.

Friday, 13 January 2012

You! Yes, you. What're you looking at? Go fly a kite.

So its Sankrant weekend people! And since I now follow Maratha culture, courtesy my marriage to HM, I'd like to say, "Tilgul ghya, god god bola" to like, everyone. Loosely translated, it means, eat Tilgul and speak sweetly. Its an awesome thing to say. If only people could speak sweetly all year round and not just on Sankrant. Chodo yaar... If everyone decided to be sweet all the time, life would be so boring and my sarcasm would find no takers, which would be such a sad thing. I enjoy being mean at times and I also enjoy it when people are mean to me. My creative juices start flowing like never before and such brilliantly caustic statements are born, I can't tell you how exciting it all becomes.

A, my little sister is celebrating her 20th b'day next week. She wants a top and a pair of 'funky' shoes. I love spending on her. I still remember the time I got my first salary. I took her shopping and just made her pick stuff off random shelves. She enjoyed it so much! I cannot forget the look on her face. She went home, dumped the bags on her bed and told mom that we had shopped like idiots. A isn't just my sister. She is my baby. I was almost 7 when she was born and I remember every detail of her arrival. She was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. Even today, when I look at posters and photos with li'l babies on them, I tell myself, "Yeah, you kids are cute, but my sister was the cutest baby, ok. No competition". A was super sweet as a child. But unfortunately, she grew up and turned into the brat that she is today. I love her just the same though. So A, if you're ever going to read this, let me tell you that we're totally different people. I love reading, you don't. I love Indian music, you hate it. I am a chatterbox, you're the quiet one. I'm the bubbly extrovert, you're the shy introvert. But something binds us together nevertheless and we will never know what it is. And that is exactly why we know what we feel for each other inspite of being miles apart and never calling each other for months. We're siblings in denial. We fight, argue and I remember a rather memorable scuffle when you dug your nails into my arm and I'm still carrying the scar. I also remember that I was responsible for uprooting around ten odd strands of your hair during the same fight. Good times. We had laughed about it later and nursed each other after receiving a wonderful spanking from mom. I will always fight with you, because I can and more so, because I know we both enjoy it. I love you A and I always will. Oh, and the picture below is specially for you.

Rewdi & Bataashe. Pure bliss....

HM and I are headed to his parents' place this weekend. Sankrant and MIL's birthday is due. We are both travelling separately because of my work schedule and that has irked MIL a bit. She wanted us to arrive together. Like always, I am least bothered at the prospect of travelling alone. Very few things can manage to ruffle my feathers lately. I am one chilled out penguin. Penguin, because that bird be awesome. It is safely nestled somewhere in the snow with perhaps an egg tucked between its legs and is basically not giving a damn about everything else in the world. Respect. So, as I was saying, the weekend is going to be fun. I will wear a sari and distribute Tilgul to the neighbouring aunties who will ask me for "Some good news". MIL will smile graciously and pat my back and say something like, "Yes, yes. Very soon." I will smile back at all the ladies and exit the room shyly. Total timepass, I tell ya. MIL will make some good stuff to eat and I will devour it greedily. HM will bask in the attention of mommy dearest and generally ignore me. All in all, its going to be delightful. I am so looking forward to it....

I turned health freak today. I skipped lunch and drank coconut water instead. I don't feel so good right now. That coconut had way too much water inside and I'd drunk two glasses of water before guzzling it down, so its all watery inside right now. Like I've swallowed a whole lake or something. I can literally feel tiny waves crashing against the outline of my stomach. Its making me nauseous. I will never ever do this again. Like, never.

H, the Labrador, is adept at making sad puppy eyes and I have a feeling that she isn't as innocent as she looks. She actually knows the effect her expressions have on me and uses them to manipulate me. She is very very smart. I DO NOT like being manipulated, especially by a dog. I try to ignore her, but she makes THE face and dances all around me until I acknowledge her. Sweet critter, that one. P, the mongrel, on the other hand, is a total nutcase. If I could, I'd send her back to the 70s. She is perfectly suited for that era. Wild, rebellious and a little high on life. If she could, P would definitely wear flowers in her hair...err, fur and prance around with a Peace sign pendant around her neck. That dog is something else. Both are easily my favourite living beings on earth and I'd gladly be stranded on an island with just them for company. Life would be good. If only I was that fortunate. Sigh...

O, my friend from Law school, is writing a novel. He used to write comic strips with Me, S and N as characters and I don't think I've seen such hilariously original work ever. In his comic, S would forever be in love with N, N would forever be tripping and falling into 'Keechad' and I would be 'Jalking' around. 'Jalking' is how he described my walk in college. A mix of jumping and walking, thus amounting to 'Jalking'. I think he just wanted to describe the 'spring in my step'. That dude be totally awesome at times. Now he has moved on to more mature things and thus the novel. I suppose he'll become the next 'Chetan Bhagat' or something. They kinda look similar. Anyway, I told O that I wanted to write a novel too. He told me to go ahead. He always does that. He almost never doubts my abilities. So I'm going to be a sport and start on my novel very soon. You know, give O some competition. And if I do get lucky, I'll 'jalk' my way to the Bestsellers list. Tra La La La....

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

I wish we had a zipper in place of our lips. And a tiny lock at the end of it.

Sometimes, I ask myself, "What will make me happy?" and the answer is PROZAC. It is so easy for people to just preach some stuff like idiots. Be happy and all, it seems. It is easier said than done. It can be done, but you apparently have no idea how hard you have to try. And you might not even succeed. I try all the freakin' time and sometimes just the effort tires me out. And then I realise that happiness isn't something you can GET. It is a state of mind and obviously, your mind has a mind of its own. So it decides when it wants to be happy and when it doesn't. If you try to force feed your mind some happiness, its just going to turn its head away like a stubborn two year old who hates spinach. Worse, it might swallow the happiness because you force fed it, only to throw it up on your face later. You wouldn't want that. Its best to just let your mind be. Give it some space and leave it alone. Don't force it to be what you want it to be. Savour each feeling and emotion it makes you experience. Love all of it. Even if its pain, anger, hatred or other negative stuff. Its there for a reason. If you're constantly trying to be just happy, where the hell will all the other feelings go? So, just stop reading sappy shit that promotes perpetual happiness and stay real. Its more fun that way. Also, Harry Potter's awesome godfather, Sirius Black told him, "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. Thats who we really are."

I used to be a brutally honest and blunt person until I got engaged and better sense prevailed. Everyone was like, "You better watch your tongue now" and that is exactly what I started doing. Though lately I have started feeling that I should go back to my old ways because some people deserve to hear the bitter truth and everything cannot be sugar coated. I am going to turn into a Mean Girl. Muhahahahaha!

I think my boss has vowed to make me realise that I am irresponsible at times. It is his new year resolution, I think. I am way too stressed because of this. I cannot, for the life of me, turn into a responsible person overnight. This is going to take some time. Lots of time, actually. Sometimes I feel that I'm not irresponsible. I'm just careless. I don't know what's worse. Irresponsibility or Carelessness? I think being careless is worse. Either way, who cares?

I want this Cup and I want it now. I am ready to pay an exorbitant amount for it (not exceeding 200 bucks ok. Its just a cup!) Anyone who knows where I can find it, puhleez get back to me. I will buy you a pack of biscuits as a reward. Ciao!

Nutella is the single most amazing man made thing...

I am very desirous of learning the advanced and rather difficult art of ignoring people who are a part of my life, but are extremely meddlesome and annoying. They should have classes for these things, you know.
The other day, I was thinking about the sort of mental problems I suffer from. Paranoia, occasional delusions, selective amnesia, panic attacks and maybe schizophrenia too. I have all that and more. I am one mentally screwed up person. I'm not complaining though. I rather enjoy living like this. I was always against 'perfection' and all. I mean, why talk about something that is basically a myth to begin with? Nobody is perfect, nobody can be perfect. Someone or the other will always have a bone to pick with you. So, for starters, everyone should stop trying to be perfect. I never started in the first place. So I'm pretty much quite sorted that way. I am proud of it.

I looked up 'List of Virtues' on the internet. I don't know where I'd get most of my knowledge if it wasn't for the internet. Really. Anyway, the first virtue is Acceptance. And I was like, "Yes! I've already nailed that one."  I have accepted so many things which I should totally not have. Kudos to me! The second virtue was Accountability. I closed the browser window immediately. No point in making myself feel bad. I'm already way too stressed.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Hair pin, U-pin and every other type of pin...

Essentially. It is my 'Word of the Week'. I've been using it all the time and in almost every sentence. Its making me sound like a profound person. Its amazing how much difference a single word can make to the things you say. So if you say "This is ESSENTIALLY a stupid thing to do" instead of "Its a stupid thing to do" it means you are a classy person inspite of the fact that both sentences mean the same thing. But the way you say it and the words you use are important too. And that is ESSENTIALLY where my logic steps in. My boss has a favourite word too. He uses 'basically' before every sentence. But I like my word more. Essentially. Like the essence of something. It can masquerade as a great insult too. Like if I say, "You are essentially an idiot", it means the person's essence itself is idiotic. What fun.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Two toned bugs...Shiny ones.

The 'No stressing over anything' rule that I have is working like a charm. Except, people now think of me as someone who just doesn't give a damn. I think they are finally getting the hang of what I actually am. This is good news, you know. After ages of being misunderstood as a sweet, talkative and caring person, I finally get to show my true colours and people finally know me for what I really am. I can't say how delighted I am. At peace, finally.

So, my mother calls me up to tell me that this person living in our building just died. Like, he just dropped dead of his own accord. He wasn't ill, he had no health problems and as far as my knowledge goes, he maintained a very healthy lifestyle. No meat, alcohol or smoking type of 'dutty habits'. His poor wife is so shocked, she can't even talk. And I'm thinking, how is this even possible? People just dying all of a sudden for no reason. Weird. Sad, yes. But weird. Then I'm thinking that maybe he's secretly glad that he just dropped dead suddenly. Anyone would prefer that to experiencing months of pain or a long drawn out illness that makes you spend months in the hospital with needles and stuff sticking out of you. And don't even get me started about old age. I'd rather die young. Maybe lucky people get to die young. A painless quick death. God must really love those people. Maybe he says something like, "Well, you seem to be doing a pretty good job out there. But the earth is such a shitty place for you to be. You know what? I'll just beam you up. Like, right now." and then he snaps his fingers and said person is instantly dead. No pain, no suffering. Lucky people ya... I'm so morbid. Damn.

Monday, 2 January 2012


In case you're wondering why I named my previous post after a box of tissues, there is no good explanation for it. I finished writing the post and I could not think of a title for it. The aforesaid box of tissues was lying on my desk and hence, the post was dedicated to it. It is a good box of tissues. Very useful. Especially when I am eating and typing. Enough about the tissues now. I saw Ra.One yesterday. I think Shahrukh Khan's clone or whatever was really good looking. I especially liked the blue eyes. I think he manages to dance quite well too. He had better moves than Kareena in the Chammak Chalo song. The movie on the whole was a boring dud. So was the New Year Party I went to. The DJ was a retard. The food was great though and hence the party turned out to be a long, drawn out dinner than anything else. We just sat in a place and stuffed our faces. For four long hours. Come to think of it, it wasn't so bad afterall.

I have a headache. Ever since P, the mongrel bumped her bony head against my chin. And this happened yesterday, so you can imagine how long I've been suffering from this headache. P and H had their baths yesterday. And while H resignedly accepted her fate and allowed us to bathe her, P took it upon herself to run around in the tiny bathroom and make the whole activity hellish with her loud squeals and yelps. Meanwhile, the maid tried to clean up our living room that had transformed into a puddle of muck. P eventually finished her bath and came out of the bathroom to sun herself in the balcony. But the maid decided to leave at that exact moment and P thought that it would be a good idea to follow the maid outside . So she bolted out of the front door and I ran behind her and then began the most exciting chase sequence ever. The watchman, the maid and Yours Truly did everything possible to catch P, but she was way too fast for us. We finally managed to corner her and when I went closer to hold her, she jerked her head upwards and it caught me in my chin. Oh, the pain! I think I cried a little. P was unceremoniously escorted back upstairs and scolded for 15 minutes, during which H hung her head in shame. H, the Labrador is rather sensitive to such things. P, on the other hand was busy sniffing her freshly washed paws and completely ignoring my outburst. I think I forgave her when she came near me and licked my nose in apology. That brat be cute! But I'm still stuck with the headache that ensued later.

A, the neighbour's toddler, is currently my favourite friend. She is 18 months old and has tiny teeth and wispy hair. An absolute delight. She loves the dogs and goes 'Bho bho' everytime she sees them. She calls HM 'bho bho' too and that makes me laugh. She calls all the women 'Amma' and one day when HM offered her a piece of chocolate she called him 'Amma' too. Maybe babies associate mothers with food. Wonderful logic. I like A because she lets me comb her hair and speaks very little. Most of it is gibberish, so we're good. This goes to show what and how little I expect of my friends.