Et tu Brutus? Then fall Caesar...

Oh My God. Someone gave me the best-est compliment the other day. 'You're so funny'. I may forget to mention that the aforesaid statement was made with a deadpan expression. But who cares? I often turn blind when such delightful words fall on my ears. I thanked the concerned person for the wonderful compliment, as is the proper etiquette in such a situation, but that seemed to make the person's face turn a deep shade of umm...what was that colour? You know, the one when you really want to punch someone in the face and you just cannot? That exact same colour. It was a wonderful, colourful day. Really.
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My hair colour experiment which initially looked like it had worked, has actually not. HM is calling me 'Orange Aunty' and when I step out in the sun, my head looks like it has caught fire. Not cool. I am going out to buy myself a chocolate brown shade and I will rope in my maid  to do the honours once again. Wish me luck. I really do not want to look like Lady Gaga met Katy Perry and decided to get creative with my hair.
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How ironic is this exactly? You take melatonin to help you sleep and it gives you extremely vivid and freakish nightmares. No, really. Melatonin has been known to cause bizarre nightmares as a side effect. So bizarre, that you'd prefer sleepless nights than having to watch an all night horror show that will scar you and leave you disturbed for a very long time. I saw one just last night and it was the worst nightmare I've ever had. Now I don't know what's worse, sleepless nights or horrendous nightmares. Oh God, why?
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I think I might have forgotten to brush my teeth today. Do not judge me. I am not an unhygienic pig. I am just another working woman who happens to be married and has two wonderful dogs, one of which threw up before I woke up this morning and HM cannot be expected to clean up the dog puke AND take the dogs for a walk. So while he took them out, I cleaned the puke. And obviously, I had to make breakfast and get HM ready for work so I got caught up with all that and completely forgot to brush my teeth. I did bathe, so I guess atleast that part of daily hygiene was taken care of.
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Take a hike...shoo!

I think men are inherently self centred and suffer from the complete inability to think beyond themselves. I speak after having experienced this common phenomenon myself. Not once, but plenty of times. It doesn't make me hate men, but it does make me wonder about what exactly makes them behave in this manner. How can they do it so easily? And pray, tell me, what do women have to do to start experiencing this wonderful feeling of not being able to care for anything but yourself? It is important that we learn soon, because women apparently suffer from the habit of thinking too much about others and completely neglecting themselves in the process. One ought to really get down to this rather significant task and find out a way. Pronto.
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HM's recipe for the perfect cup of Ginger Tea.

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
2 spoons of sugar
1 inch of Ginger
1 tsp of tea powder

Method:
Pour the water in a saucepan and add thinly sliced ginger to it. Do not grate the ginger as it will not help in bringing out the flavour. Now boil this mixture on slow heat for 5 whole minutes till the water starts to reduce and turns a light shade of yellow. Now add the tea powder and boil for another minute. Lastly, strain this into a cup and add sugar. Enjoy your cup of Ginger tea.

Note: It is important to have your wife around so you can 'teach' her how you want your tea everyday. Also, it is always good to pass on perfected recipes to others so they can partake in the awesomeness of your culinary skills.
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These guys never fail to crack me up. Not once. Respect \m/

You just think you're funny...

I would have definitely been an astronaut if I hadn't hated maths so much in high school. I was obsessed with outer space, planets, stars, the works. Then my darling mother, who I'm sure meant well at that time, told me that if I wanted to pursue a career in space research or something like that, I'd have to be brilliant at maths. She probably thought that her daughter would stop failing every maths test and actually work harder at the subject in order to fulfil her ambition. But her beloved daughter did the exact opposite. She abandoned her ambition in order to save herself from the dreadful prospect of studying advanced maths.That's me. I'm a lazy person. Ma then started nagging me about my lack of determination. That's my ma. She's very determined. Anyway, I was watching Aliens vs Predators today and the bull crap they made up in that movie was damn impressive. It made me want to be an astronaut again. Too late for that now. I'm already a lawyer and I still hate maths.

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Sofia Vergara from the Modern Family series is way too adorable. She makes me want to be a Columbian, and that's saying something. I wanted to be French because of the classy language but I think being Columbian is way more fun. Si.

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I wanted to take a year off and live alone before I got married. But I often forget my own plans. Now I can't wait to resign from my job and go live in Ladakh with my dogs. I'm very sure that's not going to happen as well. What do you do when you realise that you are the reason for everything that didn't go as planned? Do you punish yourself? Do you repent? What about seeking vengeance? Should one ideally stand before a mirror and yell at the reflection? I have no idea how to deal with such things. I often get quite mad at myself and wonder what to do.

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What is the deal with girls and all things pink? There has got to be a good scientific explanation for the pink obsession. I type this as I sit surrounded by a pink stapler, pink pen, pink lip balm and pink varnish on my nails. Look who's talking. 

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Is it okay that I actually sympathise with Voldemort? I'm a Harry Potter aficionado, but I never thought Voldemort was entirely bad. He had his reasons. Maybe he over did it like some of us, but it wasn't completely unjustified. Poor guy. And speaking of Harry Potter, Her awesomeness, the Queen of fiction, J. K. Rowling, is writing another book! It is going to be a dark and humorous book called, 'The Casual Vacancy'. It is releasing on 27th September and I will definitely line up before my local book store to get my copy. Can't wait.

I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M...

They say that before you die, your whole life kinda plays before your eyes one last time. Well, not your WHOLE life, that would take a long time. Just the important significant bits which have somehow affected you, maybe changed you. And at the rate at which random old memories are popping in and out of my head, I dare say, my time is here. I could be dead any moment now. And I may sound super morbid, but I am actually pretty cheerful today. Like even the idea of death is not enough to dampen my soaring spirit. Talking of which, my spirit feels like one of those idiotic birds that fly stupidly into a pane of clear glass and smash themselves. Soaring spirit, yeah right.

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I want to rent some really old movies and do a marathon of sorts. For those who do not know me (which is all of you, this is an anonymous blog, silly) should know that I have a very serious inclination to turn into a couch potato. It is one of my ambitions to just sit around watching TV, eating unhealthy junk and doing nothing in general. An ambition that is cruelly crushed by my job and my commitment (as of now) to keep myself employed. Anyhoo, I am currently making a list of movies that will go with my couch potato plan. Patther Panchali, Nishaant, Gaman, Arth, Sujata etc are on it. Add to it if you like. 

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I just realised that I am not a woman with a mission. I should totally be a woman with a mission! I need to have an agenda, a list of things to do and the willpower to do all those things. I need a plan. I don't have a plan! I mean, is it me, or is THIS lack of purpose responsible for all the things going wrong around here? I think I have the answer. Finally! Now all I need is a purpose. That shouldn't be so difficult. I should start working on this right away. Excuse me while I go and put on my thinking cap (marches off with a purpose)

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Oh Dear. Am I the reincarnated version of the Mad Hatter? I must be. There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which luckily, I am (chuckles)

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Frumpy old woman in a hat, where oh where is your cat?

Is there a way to be (brutally) honest without hurting someone's feelings? I really wish there was. I'd actually stop lying completely if that was the case. I mean, I've always been taught since childhood that lying is a sin and one should never resort to it. But now that I look back at all the creative bullshit I've blurted out to various people, I feel that I did so only to refrain from hurting them with the bitter truth. There are quite a few people who I actually hate right now and I have to be sweet to them because even though I hate them, I just cannot bear to hurt people. Not that I'm some sappy, over sensitive angel with a halo, but because I know how being hurt feels like and I also know what I think about people who have hurt me (not good things, obviously). I wouldn't want others to feel the same towards me. Hatred is like this chain reaction thing. I'd hate to be the one to trigger it off. But I have to compromise on my honesty for that. Lately when I'm putting on my best behaviour for the people I otherwise hate, I tell myself that I'm doing them a huge favour and someday they'll be thankful for it. Yeah, right.
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How long is it before you get bored with your job, your city and your life in general? Is there supposed to be a specific time limit for all this? Like say for example, you can change your job every 3 years because it will definitely get boring by then or that you have to move to a new city every 5 years to ensure that monotony doesn't kick in. I dunno. We should totally do something about the rules regarding this. At this rate, I'll die of boredom. Seriously.
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I am a very confused and clueless person sometimes. I just wanted to get that cleared out. Just in case if someone feels, what in the name of God is wrong with this woman, I can use the above fact as a very good excuse. I can just say that I had no idea what I was thinking. And if the defence of insanity works in the Indian Penal Code, the defence of confusion should totally work in our day to day life. I am going to have some fun with this one.
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Tee hee! How I love the quirky and wonderfully weird comics at Cyanide & Happiness. You will see a lot of these on my blog for the obvious reasons. This is totally my kind of humour besides their stick figures or cartoons or what-you-may-call-it are completely cute. Me likey.

We are all Alices in our Wonderlands....

Awesome rhymes with Possum. Just saying. I think possums are highly under rated animals. They are super cute and according to Wikipedia, they are carriers of bovine tuberculosis, which probably isn't a good thing, but its fascinating. We should totally import some in India and breed them like crazy. I want to see possums hanging from every tree. It would be an interesting sight. Anyway, speaking of under rated animals, The Meerkat, Otter and Platypus are just as awesome as the possum. I am going to talk about them to random people and generate interest. They should all get as popular as the Panda, which is one of the cuddliest things to have ever walked on earth. I mean, have you seen the Panda handle its babies? Its downright adorable!
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After months of deliberation, I have finally gone ahead and coloured my hair a shade of deep copper red. How does it look? Pretty great actually. I really wanted to try this since a long time and a couple of grey hairs was the perfect excuse. I roped in my bai to do the needful. I cannot dream of spending 5000 bucks at a salon to do something that even my maid can do. Turns out, she did a pretty good job, except that she could not handle the brush thingie with her hands swathed in plastic gloves (which I forced her to wear despite her refusal) So she just scooped up the colour from the dish and plastered it all over my head. It was quite fast and in the end when she piled my hear up in a bun to let the colour kick in, it all seemed good. HM was hanging around and commenting on how the hair colour reminded him of an old muslim man's henna streaked beard. The bai and I were on a mission so we just ignored him. Half an hour later, when I had a bath and stepped out, I had a head full of beautiful red hair, except my scalp was the same colour too! I had a major panic attack because I have waist long hair that ends at the small of my back and I HAVE to tie it up in a ponytail, french braid or chopstick bun and sometimes the scalp near my hairline shows. I stayed calm because I didn't want HM to get a good laugh out of it. I rubbed some shampoo onto the visible scalp areas and washed it off. Thankfully, the colour faded off to quite an extent. The bai turned up later to examine her workmanship and said I looked pretty :) I'm just psyched to have saved a few thousand bucks. HM had no silly comments when he saw the end result. Mission accomplished!
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I just spoke to my dogs over the phone. Is that a crazy thing to do? I mean, if its okay to talk to them in person, then it surely is fine if you spoke to them over the phone. HM who was holding the cell phone to their ears (Cannot expect them to do that themselves) said that P jumped up when she heard my voice and ran around the house looking for me. H, who is slightly more intelligent, rolled her eyes and heard every word intently and wagged her tail :)
Aren't my girls precious?
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